


Lost and Found

by xaphrin



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series), Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, RobRae Week 2019, Soft Love, or whatever, some hurt comfort, waaayyyyyy outside of my normal sphere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 04:56:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18439478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xaphrin/pseuds/xaphrin
Summary: Left without powers and no way to regain them, Raven starts to lose faith with herself and her place on the team. But Dick does everything in his power to make sure that she finds her home and herself, and helps her regain her purpose.





	1. Chapter 1

Something was wrong, she knew that much at least.  

Something was very, _very_ wrong.

Raven pried her eyes open and stared at the blinding white light that practically burned her eyes. She winced and pulled away, burying her face into the stark-white pillow beneath her head. Around her she could hear the sounds of machines trying to keep her alive - beeps and barks to monitor every aspect of her body. Raven shifted, her head heavy and filled with broken memories and phantom sounds that didn’t quite make sense. She clenched her hand next to her side, the muscles and bones aching and creaking with the movement, as if her body was healing but much slower than it usually did. Nothing… nothing _felt_ right.  

Raven wracked her thoughts, trying to piece together exactly what happened, and how she ended up _here._ The last thing she remembered was… was _what?_ She remembered hitting her head. She remembered Blood, standing over her spouting out nonsense. She remembered another follower of the Word of Trigon muttering something thick and viscous in the back of his throat, but then… then her memories went blank. No lights. No sounds. No words that she had to try and piece any of this together. There was nothing there but darkness and _pain_. So much pain. As though her soul was being stripped from her body one thread at a time.

Raven sat up and held her head in her hands, wondering how in the world her _spine_ could hurt so much. It felt like someone was trying to pull it out of the back of her head, and every part of her seemed to vibrate with pain. She ran her fingers through her hair and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. There was something at the back of her memory, a spell or a whisper, or… or _something_. She couldn’t put her finger on what was wrong, but she knew something was -  she didn’t _feel right_.

“Raven!”

Dick’s voice sounded like a rock in the middle of a storm something she could cling to while she was tossed around on wild waves, and she forced her eyes open to look at him. He was standing next to the bed she was on, his face contorted into an expression of worry and frustration, and that made her realize that there _was_ something wrong. She swallowed and turned to him, the pain in her head melting into a dull _thump_ that seemed to bleed into every part of her. She took another breath, her ribs aching as she moved.

“Dick… what… happened?”

He looked _at_ her, but there was nothing in his eyes. No, that wasn’t quite right. There was _pity_ in his eyes. Sorrow. Apologies. There were things in his stare that Raven didn’t know how to name, only that she _saw them_ and she didn’t want to. It felt like darkness was wrapping tight around her, but this time she didn’t see that shadows pull towards her like they normally did. The room stayed blindingly bright, and nothing around her stuttered or cracked. Her heart picked up speed, and the monitor behind her beeped in unison.

“Raven…” Dick’s voice was soft, his sentences swallowed by the stillness in the room. “How are you feeling?”

She pursed her lips, her eyes narrowing. She thought for a moment that she felt the burn of her magic at her fingertips, but it was never there. There wasn’t the crackle of power running through her, or the rush of spells that came so easily, there was… there was nothing. Just an aching void where there had once been magic and power. She swallowed, her throat sore, and glared at him. “That’s not what I asked.”

Dick winced and he looked away, as if he couldn’t bear to look at her while he spoke. “There was… I… I… Blood… and…” He stumbled over words, his voice cracking and breaking as he fought to find something that made sense to her. He had probably rehearsed this a hundred times, and yet when he actually had to tell her the truth, he was weak.  

Raven kept swallowing breaths, uncertain if she was going to hyperventilate or not. Her head felt dizzy, full and empty at the same time, and she couldn’t pin down what was _wrong_ with her. She knew something was wrong, knew that there was something she needed to fix inside her, but she didn’t know what it was. She reached out for the comfort of her shadows again, but nothing moved. She was still bathed in light, still _not herself._ Raven’s hands shook, and she looked up into his face, a slow realization settling in her chest.

“My… my powers?”

Dick looked back at her for just a fraction of a second, and then turned away, saying nothing.

That did nothing to ease her fears, and panic started to strangle her, force her forward whens he didn’t even understand her surroundings. “ _Dick_ … what happened to my _powers?_ What happened to _me?_ ”

He finally looked back at her, his expression telling her everything she needed to know. “I don’t know.” His voice was barely above a whisper, and he finally met her stare. “I’m sorry, Raven… I don’t know.”

Raven just sat there, swallowed by the bright, sterile lights of the room, and without her staunch control to keep herself together, she wept.

 

* * *

 

_Five Weeks Later…_

“I swear it reeks like church after he leaves.” Dick cringed as a shiver ran down his spine and he settled next to Raven on the sofa, kicking his feet out in front of him. “Constantine smells like incense and bad spells.”

“It’s fine.” Raven shrugged, picking at her nails. The aching feeling in her chest spreading out until it threatened to consume her - _again_. It was a recurring feeling now, the low dips of sadness that eventually led to acceptance. Up and down. Up and down. Her human emotions were a rollercoaster she didn’t want to ride anymore. Sighing, she looked down into the thick packet Constantine had given her, more out of concern for her mental well-being than an actual fix to her problems. She chewed on her lower lip and read her name printed on a label on the envelope. “It could be worse. Once he smelled like actual _death_ for a whole two hours until a spell wore off.”

“Gross.” Dick’s lip curled back in disgust and he cocked his head to the side, looking down at the envelope. “What’s that?”

For a brief moment, Raven considered _not_ telling him. It would be easier to say nothing at all, she felt alone in this anyway, so why should she trouble Dick with her problems? Besides, he had his own to worry about. Her fingers ran along the edges of the envelope and she sighed, finally looking up at him. “An acceptance letter and welcome packet. Constantine helped me fill out my college application.”

Okay, that was _a bit_ of a stretch, actually. He had coerced someone who owed him a favor into creating false documents about her so she couldn’t be traced back to… what she had been before. So, now she could do normal things like get a job and go to school and learn how to file taxes. All the things Constantine told her to get used to while he looked for a fix for her. There was still no ETA on a cute for her _lack_ of demon and all the powers that came with it, and that probably meant the worst now.

“Where… where are you going?” Dick shook his head, wincing. “To school, I mean. Where are you going to go to school?”

Raven looked up at Dick and saw the concern rest heavily on his face, even though he tried his best to hide it. She thought he would be excited to get her out of the tower and out of his hair, but he actually looked… _disappointed._ He looked like someone had punched him in the gut, and he stared at her for a long moment, waiting for a response that he wasn’t sure would come. Raven looked away, running her fingers through her hair and trying to focus on anything other than that darkness that was spreading through her veins.

“Just to the local college. I… I thought it might be okay if I stayed around for a little? I mean, what if my powers _do_ come back? I’d like to be part of the team again.” She wrapped her hands tight around the packet as if it was the only thing anchoring her here to this moment, and sighed. Everything felt uncertain, as if the world was crumbling under her feet and she wasn’t sure if she’d find solid ground again. “I know we’ve got some new recruits, and I just… I don’t really have anywhere to go right now, so… is it… is it okay? I-”

“ _Raven_.” Dick turned to her, his eyes dark. He looked hurt that she had approached him with that kind of caution, and hadn’t told him the truth. “Did you… did you _honestly_ think that I wouldn’t want you here? With the rest of the team? You’re… you’re part of our family. Of _course_ we want you here. Of _course_. I just… I want to help you however I can.” He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, fighting to find words that made sense. “I want you to feel good again… I know… I know that I can’t fix this and make things better, and I know that this is a wound you might never heal from-”

Raven didn’t want to admit to him or herself that Constantine’s own opinions were starting to lean that way.

“-but no matter what, I want to be here for you. We _all_ do. You’re our friend, and we love you.”  He leaned closer to her, resting his hand over her own. His touch was warm and comforting, and everything seemed to still around them. “I don’t _ever_ want you to think that you don’t have a place here, and I don’t _ever_ want you to think that this isn’t your home. We care about you. _I_ care about you, and I want to help however I can.”

Her heart turned over, and for a moment Raven could feel the emotions well inside her and tears prick her eyes. She wanted to believe him _so bad_. She wanted to trust him, wanted to think that things were going to be okay, but every part of her was screaming that this was a lie. There was nothing that could fix this, or help her. She was human - frail, fallible, broken - and she was going to stay this way for the foreseeable future. Right now, she could barely help her team with ops, and she nearly got Gar killed on a mission last week. She was helpless and hopeless, with nothing to save her or her teammates from herself.

“I… I need some time, Dick.” Raven pulled her hand out from under his, and she made her way to the door. “I need some time to think about… this. About what this means.”

Dick looked like he wanted to protest, like there was something else waiting to be said. He stood up, shifted, and finally nodded silently. It was acceptance of her situation - an understanding that there was nothing he could say that would make this right. And, honestly? Raven wanted it to stay that way. She didn’t want him to try and fix her, when she didn’t even know how she was broken.

“I’m going out… I… I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

“But you’ll be back, right?” Dick followed her for a few steps, his voice just above a whisper.

She nodded, more out of defeat than acceptance. “Where else do I have to go?”

Dick reached out to her, but pulled his hand back. She had asked for space, and he was going to try his best to give it to her. “You always have here, Raven. Your home will _always_ be here.”

  
  
  


 


	2. Chapter 2

_When was the last time you ate?_

Raven looked down at the text message and let go of a long sigh that practically rattled her lungs, before shoving the phone back into her coat pocket. The last thing she needed was Dick being a nosy asshole, and she knew _exactly_ what that question meant. It meant he was trying to find a way to “fix” her problems - to make everything alright. She wasn’t even sure if she _wanted_ to be alright, given the circumstances.

She didn’t know if she was _capable_ of being alright.

She leaned back in her chair, tipping her head up to stare at the ceiling. Maybe this would be better if she didn’t feel anything at all. She was pretty sure _not_ feeling was a thing she could still do. Taking a long sip of her coffee, Raven’s fingers feathered along the rough edges of her hair, now cropped to a pixie. It was an impulse decision, another one added to a long list of impulse decisions she had made in the last few months, which included (but not limited to) a tattoo, three piercings, dance lessons, art classes, and a kickboxing membership. Her list was getting out of control, and she needed to find a healthier outlet for her emotions, rather than just do whatever seemed like a good idea at the time.

“You can’t hide from me forever, you know.”

“I wasn’t hiding.” _Sort of._ She was more just hoping he wouldn’t find her.

Her shoulders sagged, and Raven looked up to see Dick falling into the seat across from her. Of course he would find her. She only went to maybe five places in the whole city. Raven wished her jacket had a hood so she could pull it up at glare at him like she used to. It would have been cathartic at least. Instead, she watched as he motioned the waitress over, ordering enough food to feed the whole restaurant. Raven pursed her lips, but chose not to fight with him. If he wanted to feed her, she wasn’t going to argue. When the waitress finally walked away, he cocked his head to the side and watched her.

“How was dance class?”

Raven lifted her eyebrows. “You’re not going to ask me about my hair?”

“ _Nope_.” He popped the _p_ and grinned at her. “It’s not my hair. Besides, I like it. It’s cute.”

Raven’s face fell. Well, _that_ was almost insulting, calling her cute. She ran her fingers through her hair again and sighed, pushing the locks back and forth against her hand. She was still getting used to the sudden change. “Class was fine.” Shrugging, she met his stare. “I’m getting better. I can almost pirouette without landing on my ass.”

His smile turned soft, tugging to the side. “And art class?”

“Also fine.” Her eyes narrowed and she sat up, leaning over the table. “What is this about, Dick? It better not be an intervention. I’m _fine_.” She chewed on her lower lip, shifting. “I’m just trying to figure myself out… without… _this_.” She motioned to the length of her body and looked away. “I just… I need a little more time, I think.”  

“I’m worried about you.” Dick rubbed the back of his neck before looking back at her, sheepish.

He looked cautious, as if he didn’t know how to have a conversation that _absolutely_ needed to be had. Even Raven knew it was a long time coming, she had nothing to do but sit around at the tower and watch the world go by without her. New recruits were being brought in and getting trained, and she knew it was only a matter of time before Raven lost her space there. Of course she was going to love her space there, she was a burden to them now, and had been for the eight months. No money, no powers, no magic - Raven was nothing but a lonely college-aged girl who went to history class and did impulsive things like buy a moped and chop her hair off.

“I’m alright.” She shrugged and took another drink of coffee, hoping Dick didn’t see her shaking. “I made the Dean’s List. So… there’s something.”

“Raven.”

She looked back at him, and could feel the sadness create cracks in her face. He could see through her in an instant, and he knew that she wasn’t the girl he met all those years ago. Before she’d been strong and independent, and she’d been able to help carry the team. But now? Now she relied too heavily on her friends, didn’t know how to help out, didn’t even have _powers_ to try and support them. She just… _existed_ , and it was taking almost too much effort to come to terms with that.

“I… I’m not alright.” Saying it made it real, and Raven pitched forward, burying her head in her hands. “I don’t know what to do with myself. I go to class, I come home. I can’t… I can’t _help_. I hear the alarms go off, and I know that there’s nothing I can do. I am always sitting by the computer, watching the specs, trying to make sure that all of you are safe. I can’t even run support for you, not like Cy does anyway. I wait every night to hear you come home, and think… what happens if you don’t? What happens if I’m not there to help you or save you?”

“Rae…”

Raven shook her head before looking back up at him. “Dick, you’re all I have here.”

He sighed and reached across the table, settling his hand on hers. His thumb traced the delicate bones of her hand, sliding over her knuckles before he wrapped his fingers around her wrist. “I wish I knew what to say to at least make things a little better for you. I know this is hard, and I wish I could fix it.”

He had no idea how hard it was, and she took a shaking breath, trying to remember to calm her nerves. Emotions didn’t scare her anymore, but she was still trailed to keep everything pinned down. Sometimes it was easier to feel nothing, even if she didn’t have to worry about blowing something up.

Finally, she lifted her head up to his, watching the shadows dart in and out of his electric-blue stare. He wanted to say something else, but felt it was better to hold back. Raven winced at that thought. Was it finally time? Was he going to tell her to pack her things and find a place somewhere else to go? She didn’t _have_ anywhere else to go. This… this was all she knew. Azarath was gone, her mother dead, her father locked up for all eternity, and she… she had no powers of her own. Her friends were the only thing that felt like something real and solid in her life, if they went away…  

Dick looked away, his expression tense and unreadable. “I think you need-”

“I can leave by tonight if you need my room.” Her voice didn’t sound like her own, and it was a strange sort of breathy whisper that rattled against her ears. She might have been jumping to conclusions, but it didn’t really matter. She knew the truth. “But… let me at least say goodbye to Gar and Star and Vic. They’re my friends and I love them.” She shifted and pulled her hand back from Dick’s, trying to wind her emotions tighter against her. She could get through this, it would be easy once she pulled the band-aid off. “I think I should have that much at least.”

Dick blinked and looked confused. “What are you talking about?”

“About me leaving.” Raven closed her eyes, taking a shaking breath to calm herself down. She could make new friends and find a new home. She had done it before, and she could do it again if she needed to. “I know that there are a bunch of new recruits, and there’s a lot you have to teach them, and you probably need all the space you can get, and I’m just-”

“Oh my god, will you shut up?” He ran a hand down his face and mumbled a half-hearted curse. “Raven, can you at least let me finish what I was going to say before you start spouting off that kind of nonsense?”

She snapped her mouth shut and felt heat curl up her neck. Honestly, how could she be so _stupid_ and _uncontrolled?_ Emotions were _hard_ , and she was still getting used to having them run as wild as they were. Faux pas like this were going to keep happening if she didn’t get a damn grip on herself. Clearing her throat, she took a long drink of her coffee and looked away, muttering an apology. Just because she didn’t have her powers anymore, it didn’t mean she needed to act like some kind of whiny idiot.

“You’re always going to have a home with us - with _me_.” Dick sighed and stared at her, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Nothing is going to change that - _ever_. We’ll always be here to help you. _I’ll_ always be here to help you, powers or no powers. It doesn’t matter. You’re my best friend, Raven. I care about you.”

Raven look a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Even when I’m acting like a complete _wanker_?”

He rolled his eyes, huffing out an annoyed sigh. “You need to stop talking to Constantine. I’m sorry I ever introduced you two.”  

She shrugged, unapologetic. “He’s still looking at options for me. I can’t stop talking to him until we have _something_ to go off of.”

“I know. I guess it means I get to put up with you picking up his slang until I finally get to get rid of him.” Dick shook his head and leaned forward, his expression softer now. He rested his hand on hers again and looked into her eyes. “Before you lost it for a moment there, I wanted to tell you that I think there’s someone you should meet. I have a friend who… had a _similar_ experience, and I think you two would get along great. And maybe she can help you work through some of… _this_. This post-puberty-discovering-emotions-for-the-first-time phase you’re in right now.”

Raven’s face fell and she glared at him. “Don’t be an asshole.”

Dick grinned at her, pitching forward. “Yeah? I’m the asshole who just bought you lunch.”

Before Raven could protest, the waitress came back and loaded their table down with so much food Raven thought the legs were going to give out. She watched as Dick’s smile widened and he leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest and looking rather smug with her. She tried to hold back a laugh, but it still escaped, and the tension in her shoulders released. For the first time in a while she felt… okay. And okay was as good as she could expect right now.

“Now, Missy. You don’t get to leave the table until you clean your plate.”

She glared. “ _Asshole_.”

Dick just laughed and pushed a sandwich in front of her. “Call me all the names you want if it makes you feel better.” He paused and thought for a moment. “Call me a _wanker_ if it makes you feel better. I’ll allow it just for tonight.”

Raven took a cautious bite of the sandwich in front of her, her heart feeling lighter and her appetite finally returning. “And what about tomorrow? What names can I call you tomorrow?”

“I don’t know. Are we on for lunch again tomorrow?”

Something in her heart turned over and she looked at him, lit up by the soft gray light outside and the warm light in the shop. His eyes were trained on her, his smile tilted to the side, his body relaxed and opening, and Raven felt like she was seeing Dick in a way that she had never seen him before. Like she was seeing someone new, and yet somehow familiar. Her stomach tightened and her breath caught in her throat. This was… this was a _new_ feeling. She had felt it before, but it hadn’t felt like… like this. Like something stronger than friendship and different than family.

She kind of… _liked it_.

“I have class until two.” Raven shrugged and took another bite of her sandwich. “It’s history of the JLA. I can’t miss it.”

Dick laughed. “Okay. Late lunch then. There’s a ramen shop by campus. Let’s meet there at two thirty.”

Raven paused, looked into his eyes, and felt her head nod all on its own. “Okay. Two thirty.”

  
  
  


 


	3. Chapter 3

It seemed like Gotham was _always_ rainy. Even in the dead of summer, when there was nothing but the oppressive heat of blacktop and reflections of glass buildings, it was _somehow still raining_. Raven pulled herself under an overhang to a swanky apartment building, watching as people rushed by without umbrellas, uncaring about the weather. Somewhere in the distance there was a rumble of thunder and Raven’s head hung down as a splatter dripped down her neck from the overhead. Shivering, she watched as Dick finally found his key and pushed his way inside, motioning Raven to follow.

“Sorry! Babs usually buzzes me in, so I couldn’t find the key right away.” He looked a little sheepish. “Are you at least a little dry?”

“Sort of?” Raven adjusted her bad across her shoulder, wringing rain from her hair as she looked up into his face. “Why is it _always_ raining here?”

“ _Ambiance_.” Dick grinned at her, shrugging off his thin jacket to rest it on her wet shoulders. It was such a casual move, but something about it made her stomach clench and flutter. The cotton was soft and warm, and it smelled of him. The tension on her shoulders relaxed and she finally let herself look around the lobby. It was decorated in white and neutral tones, and soft music was piped in as if they were at some kind of expensive store.

Raven looked up at Dick and knitted her eyebrows together. “What are we doing here? You’ve been kind of cryptic about this trip away from the team.”

“Yeah… sorry. I just didn’t want them to think I was just running away from things at the tower to go hang out with a bunch of cute girls. Besides, if Vic found out I know who I know, he’d never let me live it down until he got to meet her too.” Dick laughed, but there was a little a sheepish, little smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “You’re gonna meet Babs.” He went to the elevator and pushed the button for a floor close to the top.

His expression turned serious for a moment, and Dick shifted, uncertain if he should continue or not. “She… she had a similar experience to yours, a few years ago. She lost what she thought made her important to the team and the family, and she felt frustrated and empty for a long time too.” Dick sighed and looked up at floor numbers ticking off over the door. “But… she found a way to thrive, and found her own path. She does recon, and research, and runs ops on a lot of the family’s… ah… _bigger_ missions. And honestly, I probably trust her more than I trust my own family at this point.”

Raven lifted an eyebrow.

“I’d put my life in her hands without question.”

“Oh.”

The elevator doors dinged overhead and Dick pulled Raven inside, tangling his fingers with hers in such a casual touch that Raven barely realized it wasn’t something they normally did. This didn’t _hold hands_. They barely touched at all. She glanced up at him from beneath her lashes and examined his face for a moment, taking in the way he looked with damp hair clinging to his forehead and a giddy smile plastered against his mouth. Raven’s heart skipped a beat and she looked forward, hoping she didn’t look as ridiculous as she felt. _Honestly_. Human emotions were the absolute _worst._

His hand tightened just a little, as if he was trying to comfort her, and they rode the whole way up holding hands. After a few moments Raven wasn’t sure if she was supposed to pull away or not, so she just… enjoyed it. She liked the feeling of his calluses rubbing against her palm, or the heat from his touch. It was almost soothing, and the fears that were building in her chest seemed to dissipate as long as he was touching her. For a little bit, she felt as though no matter what happened, Dick was here to support her and help her heal, and she couldn’t ask for a better feeling.

“Come on!” The doors slid open, and Dick pulled her along to an apartment at the end of the hallway and knocked. He practically bounced on the balls of his feet like a kid, waiting for a response from inside.

“ _Come in!_ ”

Dick opened the door and pulled Raven inside. “Hey, we’re here, Babs!”

“I’m in the office. Come on in!”

Raven followed Dick through the neatly decorated apartment to a room tucked in the back corner, and Raven quickly realized that _office_ was a bit of an understatement. _Central Command_ was probably the better term. There was a wall of servers neatly stacked against the wall, and then another wall of monitors opposite of them. The windows were covered with blackout curtains, but a window appeared to be open somewhere so that the sounds of the city filtered in. Raven was so caught up in all of the things going on in the room, she didn’t even see Babs approach her.

“You must be Raven. Dick wouldn’t shut his trap about you.”

Raven jerked out of her wonder and looked down at an adorable redhead in a wheelchair. Babs grinned up at her, cocking her head to the side, curious.

“I’m Barbara Gordon.”

“ _Oracle_.” Dick grinned like he was the proudest best friend in the world, and motioned to her. “Only one of the smartest people _ever_. Brilliant, funny, talented-”

“Oh my god, shut up. Just _stop._ ” Babs buried her face in her hands and shook her head, trying to fight back laughter. “Are you my friend or my hype-man?”

“Both, _obviously_.”

It took a moment, but Babs’ title hit Raven like a slap, and she blinked, suddenly feeling a bit starstruck. _Oracle_. _The_ Oracle. Holy hades. No wonder he was keeping this from Vic. Vic would never let Dick live it down if he found out.

Babs rolled her eyes, but there was a playful smile on her lips. “Go be useful and make us some coffee, and stop being annoying. You’re embarrassing yourself.” She turned back to Raven, her expression soft. “Let’s go hang out in the living room, I’ve been dying to meet you. Honestly, every time Dick calls he won’t stop talking about you.”

Raven flushed and glanced away, rubbing at the back of her neck. She didn’t exactly know what that meant, but knew well enough not to dwell on it.

“All good things, so don’t worry.” Babs smiled and watched raven from over the rim of her glasses. She looked like she knew a secret Raven didn’t, but she didn’t want to share it yet. Instead, Babs just motioned for Raven to follow and moved for the door.

Raven paused as she saw a photo nailed next to the door frame, and she stared at a newspaper clipping of Robin, Batman, and… Batgirl? Raven looked down at Babs, her mind a whirlwind of thoughts. “You knew Batgirl? Do you know what happened to her?”

Babs smile turned sad for a moment, and she lifted a hand to adjust her glasses again. It was then that Raven saw the scars over the back of her arms, old shiny things that looked like they had taken years to heal. Oh. _Oh._ Oh gods, she was such an _idiot._ Suddenly it all made sense, why Dick brought her here, why he was introducing her to Babs, and Raven pulled her hand to her chest, uncertain of what she should say. She looked around the room, desperately trying to think of something that wouldn’t make her feel like she’d _royally_ screwed up.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t-”

“It’s a _secret identity_ for a reason, Raven. Of _course_ you’re not supposed to know.” Babs moved her chair around to look up at the clipping with an almost wistful smile, like she was remembering thoughts and memories from a long time ago. “I thought I did a pretty good job at being a superhero, but… I think I do a better job at being Oracle. Keeping my friends and family safe is the most important part of running ops. So… I guess that’s lesson number one?”

Raven blinked, confused. “Lesson number one?”

“Sure.” Babs looked back at her. “Dick said you were here to learn how to run ops.” She chewed on her lower lip and looked up at the ceiling, thinking. “I’m not sure how good of a teacher I am, I’ve never had a student before, but I promise to do whatever I can to help you learn. So… think of this as a short and intensive boot camp for tech.”

Raven blinked. “You’re going to teach me to do… what you do?”

“Sure!” Babs moved out the door and Raven followed, feeling a bit like a newborn foal stumbling on its shaky legs. “Dick said that after what happened to you, you felt like you didn’t know what to do with yourself, and that you weren’t a part of the team anymore. And while I know that’s _so not true_ , I also know how it feels - feeling like you don’t have a specific job anymore. You want to find purpose on the team, and I can’t fault you for that. If anything, I probably understand it better than most.”

“So, you’re… you’re going to teach me to do… _this?_ ” Raven motioned to the office behind her, watching as Babs face lit up. “To help my friends.”

“ _Yep!_ ” Babs leaned forward and grinned. “Thank Dick for his persistence and wearing me down. Besides, I think I like the idea of Oracles all over the world, keeping our friends safe. Seems like a nice touch. You’ll be Oracle 2.0, the Jump City initiative.”

Raven blinked, feeling her heart skip beats and rise into her throat, beating wildly. Dick… understood? He understood what she needed? Raven felt her shoulders fall and she looked over at Dick, standing in the kitchen. He paused at the kitchen sink and gave her a lopsided, almost cautious smile, his eyes lighting up. Raven wanted to wrap her arms around him and thank him more than she had ever thanked him before. Even if it seemed stupid, or silly, the idea that he listened to her, that he tried to give her options, that he was trying his best to help even when Raven felt like no one could help her… it seemed to make everything feel a little bit better.

“Oh my god, you two can stop making doe eyes at each other any time now.” Babs stuck her tongue out, but she was biting back her own laughter. “I’m _still_ here.”

Dick looked away and pretended to be more interested in the coffee pot, and Raven glanced out the window, clearing her throat. She shifted, adjusting to the sudden weight in the room, and set herself down on the sofa, embarrassed. That was… no. Dick was just being a good friend, he didn’t really feel that way about her. They were just… just friends, and he was just trying to help her come back to the team. That was it, and she needed to stop looking for things that weren’t really there.  

Still laughing, Babs came up beside her and looked Raven in the eyes, setting her eyes into a thin line. “Alright, Raven… I’m going to need to know what kind of techie I’m working with.”

Raven blinked, uncertain. “I know how to turn a computer on and do a Google search?”

She didn’t think it was possible for Babs to look any more disappointed.

  
  
  


 


	4. Chapter 4

“You look completely exhausted.”

Raven lifted her eyes and looked over at Dick as they walked down the nearly silent streets. For once it _wasn’t_ raining, but it did feel a bit like the clouds were going to open up at any second. Raven ran her fingers through her hair, and adjusted her bag on her shoulder, feeling the weight of three books tug her to the side. She was tired, but she felt surprisingly… _alive_. Today was the sixth time she had met with Babs, and each day made her feel like she was pushing a little bit harder, getting to where she needed to be, and it felt… right. It felt so _right_ to be here.

“I am. But also… not?” She shifted, her hand resting on the weight of the books in her bag like it was a familiar comfort. “I feel good. Better than I have in a long time.”

Dick grinned at her, looking more like he was genuinely happy for her than proud of his own ingenuity. He walked next to her and bumped her shoulder with his own. “I’m glad. After what happened, I knew it would be hard for you to adjust and I… I didn’t ever want you to feel like you didn’t have a place with us, Raven. With me. I wanted you to know that I’m always here for you, even if things go a little bit sideways.”

Raven snorted. “ _A little bit_ sideways? I lost my powers… I lost… my identity?” Raven sighed and stopped walking, looking up at him. “I think that’s what bothered me so much. I had spent the entirety of my life knowing I was the spawn of a demon, knowing that I was a sorcerer, knowing that I had magic, and now… now I’m none of those things. Just a girl enrolled in college with no clear path in the world, except that she knows she wants to help her superhero friends.”

Dick’s expression softened and he took a step closer to her, his fingers tangling in her own as he pulled her towards him. “You might have lost those parts of you, but you’re still _you_ , Raven. You still enjoy being with the team, still care about us, still want to be a good person, and you’re still my best friend. You’re still the person I met years ago, even if you don’t see it that way. The core of you hasn’t changed, your morals and your personality, and what you hold important to you. You’re you, no matter what. And whatever you need to help figure this out, I’m here for you. I care about you.”

Raven pressed her lips together, biting back a smile, and she rolled her eyes. “You’re getting sappy in your old age, Dick.”

“I’m _barely_ 20.” His face fell, but he couldn’t keep the laughter out of his voice. “And you’re going to be the same age in like six months, so don’t even start.”

She laughed and cocked her head to the side, looking at him as the streetlights bathed him in a low, flickering glow. That strange warmth invaded her chest again, and Raven found herself feeling a bit lightheaded as she took in the sight of him standing in front of her. It felt like everything around her was changing, and she honestly didn’t really mind it. She didn’t mind that things were different now, because they were changing for the better, and Raven could see herself moving upward into a place she felt like she could call her own.

Dick gave her a teasing smile and his fingers tightened around hers as he started down the street, pulling her along like an excited child. “Come on, let’s go get dinner.”

Raven’s eyebrows knitted together as she jogged to catch up with his long strides. “It’s past one in the morning. Where is there a place open?”

“It’s _Gotham_. There is _always_ a diner open.” Dick grinned down at her before snapping his fingers. “Oh! I know _just_ the spot, come on!”

* * *

 

The old diner looked out of place shoved between and upscale coffee shop and an organic grocery store. Its windows were a bit dingy and you couldn’t tell what color the floors had been in their heyday, but there was something oddly _charming_ about the whole place. It looked like it had stories to tell, and most of them were low-brow jokes and late-night memories. Raven settled into the booth and looked at the laminated menu, her lips tugging to the side, the tension in her shoulders relaxing. It felt oddly comforting being here with him.  

“So… what’s so special about this place?”

Dick shrugged. “The food is pretty good, but the milkshakes are the best in the whole state, I swear.” He paused and looked up at her, fidgeting. There was something dark flashing behind his eyes, and he tapped his fingers on the melamine tabletop as if he wasn’t sure if he should say something. “And… this is where my parents used to take me after performances, when we were in Gotham anyway. I… I don’t know, I kind of just wanted to bring you here and share it with you. It’s nice to share good memories with you.”

Raven blinked, her heart stilling at the mention of his parents. “Oh.”

She swallowed and wondered if she should apologize, but not knowing what to apologize for. Staying quiet, she looked back at the menu and read through the items listed, knowing that if she looked into his face, her heart would break. It always did when he talked about his family, and how he tried to hard to save them and _failed_. Dick had been through so much when he was young, watching him struggle and grow was both amazing and heart-wrenching. Raven knew she didn’t want him to feel that way again, like he had lost something he couldn’t save. She wanted him to feel safe, like he had a home, and-

That thought made her stop, and she finally looked up at him, confused as a strange realization settled over her. Dick was doing the same thing for her, trying to make sure she had a home, trying to make sure there was always a place for her, no matter what. Even if it meant pushing her outside of her norm to learn and do something more. So, what… what did that mean? That they were friends, or… something else? Her heart did something strange, and her stomach clenched, and she watched as Dick finally looked into her face, questioning.

“What?” He cocked his head to the side. “What’s up? You look… unsure about something.”

“Nothing… just thinking.” Heat crawled up her neck and Raven looked back down at the menu, shifting again. She needed to change the topic, or her thoughts would start to travel into places where she wasn’t sure if she would find her way out of. “So… what’s good here? What should I order?”

“Anything you want.” He leaned back and grinned at her, his charming, boyish smile filling his face. “This is a judge free zone, Raven. So, if you want to go ahead and eat three burgers and ten milkshakes, I won’t stop you.”

“Are you going to order the whole menu if I don’t pick something?” She thought back to the cafe a few weeks ago when the waitress looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “Or can we both just get some fries and a milkshake and call it a good night?”

Dick laughed, holding his hands out in defense. “Okay, okay. I get what you’re saying… fries and milkshakes it is.”

He went to the counter to order food, and Raven watched him go, feeling a bit like they were growing closer now than when they were fighting together on the team. On the team it felt like there was always a criminal to fight, or a villain to defeat, or _something_ that needed saving. But here, away from everyone, and all alone in Gotham… it felt like they were bonding in a way she never thought possible. It felt like they were closer now than they were before, and Raven… _liked_ the feeling. She liked feeling like she had someone to turn to, when something wasn’t making sense, when she needed to scream or yell or cry. Dick made her feel comfortable in her own skin, to the point where her human emotions didn’t seem like such a burden. He made her feel surprisingly free.

“Two large fries and a chocolate and strawberry milkshake.” Dick settled into the seat across from her again, his smile back on his face. “And you have to promise me that you won’t leave the table until your plate is cleared.”

“Is that your idea of trying to heal me? By feeding me?” Raven raised an eyebrow, a small smirk threatening to play on her lips.

“I don’t know?” Dick shrugged, still grinning at her. “Is it working?”

Raven shook her head, her heart heavy and full, and she was helpless against the smile that finally pulled at her mouth. “You’re getting close.”

Dick just laughed.

  
  
  


 


	5. Chapter 5

It was the middle of the last and worst ungodly heatwave of summer, and while Wayne Manor was notoriously upgraded with the best technology, it was still a hunk of practically ancient house and had problems regulating its temperature - _especially_ on days like this. Raven found herself buried in a shaded corner of the library, two fans pointed directly at her as she picked through a book Babs had told her to read, saying it would help her understand different types of patterns more. It took all of her focus to try and understand it, and it certainly didn’t help that she was currently melting into a puddle, but at least she felt more empowered to be _helpful_ in her new role. So, she would suffer through this heat as long as she could.

“You look miserable.”

Raven glanced up to see Dick standing there, a pair of basketball shorts slung low on his hips and… _nothing else_. She blinked, staring at him as though he had grown a second head, and tried to remember the last time she had seen him shirtless. _Years ago_. It had to have been before the full force of puberty had dumped hormones into their systems, and Dick was more of a ropy, wiggly boy than a fully developed, muscular man. She felt another strange rush of emotion again, but took a slow breath to try and push her rogue thoughts back down before they started affecting her. Even though she didn’t have powers, per se, it didn’t mean that having feelings like _this_ wasn’t completely and utterly embarrassing.

Dick lifted an eyebrow, looking down at himself as if he’d spilled something. “What?”

Raven swallowed, her throat dry, and turned back to her book, hoping she looked more unaffected than she felt. He _had_ to have heard her heart. “Just wondering where the rest of your clothes have gone, Dick.”

“Oh, come on.” He laughed and leaned back on his heels. “It’s hot as satan’s asshole, Raven.”

Raven snorted and looked over the edge of her book at him. “You make fun of me picking up slang from Constantine, but Jason is _clearly_ rubbing off on you.”

Dick practically pouted, and he came to stand in front of her, crossing his arms over his chest. Raven’s stare flicked up to watch the soft, dewy moisture of his skin ripple with the movement, and she felt something wild rise up inside her. Dick had _always_ been attractive, even back when he was a ropy, wiggly boy with too many limbs, but seeing him this casual (and this _naked_ ), made her heart do something strange in her chest. It felt a bit like it was rolling around, slamming against her ribs, begging for attention. She blinked, trying to keep her face completely blank, and looked up into his eyes.

“Well, I _was_ going to tell you that I’m heading out on a coffee run, and ask you if you wanted to join. _But_ , if you’re gonna be mean to me, I might not ask.” His lips tugged at the edges as if trying to convey that he really _was_ teasing. “But I’ll still invite you if you ask nicely. Bruce is letting me take the Bugatti out.”

Raven cocked her head to the side, suspicious. “ _Is_ he?”

“Well…” Dick rubbed the back of his neck, his smile turning sheepish. “He’s not coming back for like another six hours, so what he won’t know won’t hurt him.”  

“You’re _really_ going to chance coffee in the Bugatti?” Raven snorted. “He’d _murder_ you if you spilled.”

“Ugh. You can be such a spoilsport.” Dick’s shoulders dramatically dropped and he sighed up at the ceiling, his hands settling on his hips. Raven watched the waist of his shorts drop nearly a whole inch lower, exposing the oh-so curious V of muscle, and she finally noticed the fine line of hair that ran from just below his belly button to disappear under his shorts. Her jaw ticked and she turned back to the page she had been on, the words scattering around. _Great._ And now she couldn’t focus.

Dick huffed and the sound brought Raven’s eyes back to his face. “Okay. _Fine_. We’ll take something else. It’s not like there isn’t a zoo of cars to choose from.”

Raven swallowed again, her mind brought back to the little line of hair, and she found herself consumed with where it led to. Heat curled up her neck as images flooded her mind, and Raven realized with stunning clarity that she was thinking about Dick in _that way_ , which was _mortifying_ , and yet happening with more frequency than she wanted to admit. In fact, if was happening pretty much _every time_ he was around her now, and having him completely shirtless in front of her was _not_ helping.

Dick’s eyebrows knitted together in concern, and he pitched forward, resting his hands on either arm of the chair she was in, crowding her space.“You okay? You look flushed. It is too hot? We can go stand in the walk-in cooler for a bit if you think it’ll help?”

“No.” Raven shook her head and looked up at him. “No, I’m fine. Just… just hot.”

“Mm.”

He didn’t move, and Raven realized that Dick was still standing in front of her, waiting. She shivered, in spite of the heat, and tried everything in her power _not_ to think about how _good_ he smelled - like sweat and _Old Spice_. And she tried not to think about that little curl of blue-black hair that fell into his eyes, or the way his lower lip looked plump and full, or the sharp curve to his jaw, or the way his muscles tensed when he was this close to her… she tried to _not_ think about all of that and failed miserably.

Raven tilted her head back and looked into his eyes, wondering if her human resolve was ever going to be as strong as her demon resolve. Her demon side wouldn’t have ever noticed all these details, and yet her human brain was staunchly focused on them. Her eyes fluttered, but Dick didn’t move back. Instead he stayed there and watched her, silent. The teasing light went out of his eyes, and shadows filled them again. It was like he was holding onto secrets she wasn’t allowed to know about. He moved forward an inch, and Raven closed her eyes, as if waiting for something she wasn’t sure was going to happen.

The world around them faded away, the hum of cicadas filled her ears, the heat pressed against her exposed skin, and her heart skipped beats in anticipation. She knew what was coming and… and she knew she didn’t want to stop it. Her mind was filled with a hundred images and thoughts, and yet surprisingly blank. Raven swallowed again, holding her breath as she felt Dick move closer to her, his hand sliding up the arm of the chair and resting against her elbow. His touch burned her more than the heat ever would, and she waited, holding her breath for… for what came next.

“ _Oh!_ ”

Dick whipped back so quick he nearly tripped over one of the fans. “Alfred!”

Raven ground her teeth together and slammed her eyes shut in embarrassment. _Stupid_. She was so, so _stupid_. Her fingers curled under the hem of her shorts and she pulled them down, embarrassed. Of course Dick wasn’t interested in her _that way_ , he was only helping her out because they were friends. It _had_ to be something else that pulled him close like that, it was the only possible explanation.

“We weren’t-” Dick stumbled over a response, and he untangled himself from the fan’s electrical cord. “It’s not… what it looks like?”

Raven took a slow breath through her nose and finally opened her eyes, watching as Dick looked away, rubbing at the back of his head. She watched as his hair threaded through his fingers, and finally looked away, turning to her book.

“I saw nothing at all.” Alfred turned on his heel and walked out of the room, leaving Dick and Raven staring at each other for a long moment.  

Dick fidgeted, his eyes meeting hers as he stumbled over a response. “So… ah… coffee run?”

“S-sure.” Raven cleared her throat and stood up, nodding. “I could use a break anyway.”

“Mm.” Dick nodded and took a step back, but Raven could feel him watching her from the corner of his eye. He let go of a soft sigh and made his way to the door, his hand clenching and unclenching as if he was having some kind of war with himself. Finally, he stopped at the door and gave her his usual smile. “Meet me downstairs in ten. I want to get out of here before Tim knows we’re leaving. He’s been trying to hide from Jason all day.”

Raven gave a soft laugh and nodded. “Be there in ten.”

Dick nodded and started for the door again.

“Oh, and Dick?”

He looked back at her, curious.

“Put a shirt on.”

His face fell and he stuck out his tongue at her before moving back towards the door. “It’s too hot. You’re gonna have to deal with this hot piece all day, Rae. _Sorry._ ”

He didn’t sound sorry at _all_ , and Raven rolled her eyes, somehow managing to fight back the laughter building in her chest. What a _dork._

-

As it turned out, Raven had to go inside to order the coffee because Dick did _not_ put a shirt on and the barista refused him service _twice_. Because not _everyone_ was blinded by his gorgeous pecs, and Dick needed to remember that. So now they were parked outside a little roadside memorial, sipping on iced coffee and watching ducks fly into the water and swim to a shady spot to rest. Raven tilted her head back and let the sun rest on her face for a moment.

“How have things been going with Babs?”

Raven perked up and looked back over at him, shrugging. “Fine, I guess. You’ve been there every time we’re together.”

“Yeah.” He shrugged and leaned back against the bench, wincing as the surface nearly burned his back. He shifted, trying to get used to the heat on his skin. “But, I haven’t heard anything from _you_. I just… I want to make sure that this is useful for you, Rae. I want to make sure it’s… _helping_.”

Raven took a long sip of her coffee, letting the question roll around in her mind for a long moment. Was it helping? It… it _was._ She was finding herself in a place where she felt comfortable again, where she felt in control. Even though things around her were different, even though it felt like everything had completely changed, she was doing better. She was finding her way in a place she didn’t think she had a path. It was, without a doubt, one of the most satisfying things that Dick could have done for her. She nodded slowly and looked over at him. “Yeah, actually. I’ve learned a lot.”

He nodded once, pressing his lips together. “Enough that you feel like running ops on our next mission?”

Raven blinked, her heart skipping beats. “You’d… you’d let me do that? Run ops?”

He nodded. “You’re getting good, Rae. For having exactly _zero_ skills with computers a few weeks ago, you’ve been improving so quickly.” His smile turned a bit sheepish and he looked away, pretending to watch the ducks. “I’d put my life in your hands without question.”

Raven felt her heart skip and sputter in her chest, and she thought back to the almost… kiss? Was that what it was? A _almost_ kiss? She wasn’t sure. Curiosity started to bleed into her, and Raven realized how much she _wanted_ to know about his kisses, or even if he _wanted_ to kiss her. She wasn’t entirely sure what she wanted anymore, but she knew that whatever it was, Dick needed to be a part of it. Raven curled her hands against her legs and finished her iced coffee, hoping Dick couldn’t hear the wild pounding of her heart.

“Come on… let’s get out of the head before we melt.”

“Sure, anything you want, Rae.” He looked up at her, his eyes _so blue_ that it hurt to look at, and Raven could feel herself falling deeper and deeper into something that seemed like…

She stopped that thought. Right now… right now wasn’t the time for that.

Dick stood up and tangled his fingers in her own, as if he needed to touch her to reaffirm that she was there. He gave her a lopsided smile and stared down at her for a long moment before starting towards the car parked under a tree, pulling her along. Raven followed, her steps unsure, but knowing that this was the direction she wanted to go.

Maybe right now wasn’t the right time to think about _that_ , but… _soon_.

  
  
  


 


	6. Chapter 6

“Family Dinner” at the Wayne household was less like a dinner, and more like a Battle Royale over the last roll in the basket. She looked over at her, and Dick seemed completely unaffected, as if this was something he put up with on a daily basis. Although, to be fair, dinners could get pretty out of control at the tower as well. But she’d never seen anything quite as wild as a bunch of highly trained heroes fighting while seated behind fine china.

“Sorry.” She took a breath, hearing soft steps behind her - the familiar cadence of Dick. “I needed a little air.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry. I should have warned you about the ah… _family_.” Dick came up behind her quietly, rubbing the back of his neck as he gave her a sheepish smile. He shifted, as if uneasy, and looked away from her. “I wish I could say that I thought they might be a little better behaved, but… I knew better than to hold my breath. And, honestly, I didn’t think Damian would pull the swords out at the table. Alfred is usually pretty good about making sure he doesn’t bring them into the dining room unless _absolutely_ necessary.”

Raven’s eyebrows knitted together, and she stared at him confused. “Is it _ever_ absolutely necessary?”

“You’d be surprised.” He ran a hand down his face and looked up at the sky, letting go of a deep sigh that almost rattled his bones. “Sometimes _I’m_ surprised. There’s a lot that goes on here that we don’t always talk about.” He let go of a short bark of laughter and stood next to her. “For very good reason, as I’m sure you could see tonight.”  

Raven pressed her lips together and bit back a laugh, the sound a soft kind of joyful. “It’s… fine? I like your family - as weird and raucous as they might be.”

Dick looked over at her and smiled, his expression softening. He leaned against the railing of the patio and looked out at the garden, his lips tugging to the side. “I’m glad you’re here though, it's nice to have the support.”

“Isn’t that what Tim and Babs and Steph are for?” Raven imagined Cass could get into her fair share of silly fights over mashed potatoes and gravy.

Dick snorted and shook his head. “They’re usually just as bad. Jason is _notorious_ for getting on people’s nerves, including my own. It’s like his own, personal super power.” He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “You should have seen him when I brought Star over once. I thought I was going to murder him by the end of the night.”

Raven laughed and leaned against the railing, her eyes tracing the neatly trimmed grass as it sloped down the to tree line. Her heart seemed to still and her breath didn’t seem to come in such short, staccato bursts anymore. Every muscle in her body seemed to relax, and she felt strangely _content_ \- more than she had in a long time. It was the first time in the last eight months were the weight of losing her powers didn’t make her feel so utterly helpless. Being here, being able to be a part of something, talking to Babs, meeting Dick’s family… it made her feel like she was a part of something more. It made her feel like she had her life back to a place where she might be able to finally heal.

“You’re quiet.” Dick’s voice broke her thoughts, and she felt him look over at her. “Anything you want to share with the class?”

“Mm.” Raven rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t keep the smile off her lips. “I’m just glad you’re here, helping me through this. I know I haven’t exactly been the _best_ patient. But you’ve handled all of _this_ with such grace and dignity.”

Dick laughed, the sound a bright light in the middle of the darkness. “Are you actually _thanking me_ for being your friend? Wow. I’d be hurt if I didn’t know your personality.”

Raven huffed out an annoyed breath and stared at him. “I’m being honest, you know. You didn’t _have_ to upend your life to take care of me while I struggle through… whatever _this_ is. It’s not like I expected you to.” She fidgeted for a moment. “You’re my friend, but I don’t ever want you to see me like a burden.”

Dick turned towards her, resting his hip against the railing. His eyes were dark, and he stared at her intently, as if trying to filter out what he should say to her. There was a long pause before he finally spoke. “You’re making it sound like I shouldn’t care about you?”

“No.” Raven sighed and met his eyes. “I’m saying you have duties elsewhere. I’m not stupid. I know that there were two new recruits coming in today.”

“Yeah? So? It’s not like Star and Vic and Gar can’t take care of them. As much as you give them flack, they’re pretty capable people.” Dick shrugged, surprisingly cavalier about the whole situation. For a moment Raven seemed to sense that it almost didn’t matter, because he had something more important to focus on, and that confused her even more. What was more important than the team?

“I don’t _give them flack_.” Okay, maybe she did a little, but it was always in good spirit. “I’m just pointing out that for being a _fearless leader_ , you should at least be there to meet your fearless recruits. It’s the right thing to do.”

“Yeah. I know. And I’ll do it when we get back.”  Dick cocked his head to the side and looked at her, the playfulness in his face bleeding out. The shadows returned to his stare, and his eyes searched her face, as if he was trying to read her without realizing it. “It’s not like the new recruits are going anywhere, and they’ll be there when we get back. But right now… I don’t want to think about the team. I want to think about you.”

Raven swallowed, her tongue coming out to wet her lips. “What about me?”

“You’re doing better?” It was a question, as if he wanted to confirm what he had seen over the last few weeks. He wanted to hear it from her own mouth, and Raven wanted to tell him.

She was healing, yes. But also Babs was teaching her how to be more useful, how to run ops when her team went out scouting and out on missions. Babs had practically _loaded_ Raven down with tech and knowledge to the point that Raven didn’t feel so helpless, that she felt like she had a purpose with the team. Finding a purpose and a spot for herself with the team made everything feel better, it made her feel less of a burden and more like a support member. And even if Constantine found something to help Raven, the skills Babs had been teaching her made Raven feel like she had a whole new skillset. She felt even _more_ useful than she had before.

“I am. Bab’s is teaching me a lot, and I feel like I’m able to help support you even if I can’t be there.” Raven felt a genuine smile pull at her lips, her heart felt aching and full, like she was going to burst with emotion at any moment. “I… I appreciate everything you’ve gone for me, Dick. _Really_. I know that this wasn’t exactly what you wanted to do with your leave from the team, but… I’m happy you did, and I’m grateful. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”  

Dick’s eyebrows knitted together, confused. “Who said this wasn’t what I wanted to do with my time away from the team? I suggested it.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t have to do it.” Raven shrugged and looked back out at the lawn, taking a deep breath. The scent of fresh-cut grass and late-summer dew filled her senses, and Raven felt her muscles release the tension she had been holding for months. It felt satisfying to be in a place where she wasn’t swallowed by her emotions, by the fear of being removed from the team, or by not being able to find her place in the world. It felt… _good_ to be here, where she felt _whole_ again.

“I wanted to. I care about you, Raven.”

Maybe it was the fact that he had repeated it so many times to her, or maybe it was that her nerves her settled enough that she finally heard the tone underneath his words, or maybe it was a hundred other things, but Raven _heard it_. She heard something that she hadn’t heard before, a gentleness to his voice, a caution that made them both pause, and she realized that when Dick told her he cared about her - it was _more_ than that. It had _always_ been more than that. Raven turned towards him and met his stare, her eyebrows knitting together.

Dick flushed, and he looked away with a soft laugh. “So… you figured it out, huh?” He shifted, eyes flicking to hers before looking away. “Only took you like a year.”

“ _Dick_.”

Her mind was a montage of all the moments they shared together, their times alone in comfortable silence, their silly arguments and gentle pushing, their soft conversations when neither of them could sleep, coffee, tea, gentle touching that she just thought was friendly. Every thought and feeling and emotion was coursing through her right now, and it felt as though her body was aching and heavy. Raven felt like she was drowning in the realization that Dick _liked_ her, and that she… she _returned_ those feelings. Of course she did, how couldn’t she? How long had she felt this way without realizing it? How long had she caught herself staring at his profile, or laughing at his stupid puns, or helping him back up when he’d fallen so low? She’d been doing this for years, and not once had she realized the depth of her own emotions, or realize that Dick had felt the same way.

Raven swallowed, feeling like she wasn’t getting enough breath to her head. Or maybe too much. She wasn’t sure, human bodies were weird and her new emotions were practically _wild_ inside her. “So… the other day in the library…?”

He flushed, his fingers scratching at the line of his jaw. “Yeah… I… I was going to tell you and… ah… _kiss you_. If it’s okay, I mean. I wouldn’t want to make you feel like you _had_ to do something you didn’t want to do.” He fidgeted, his fingers flexing before tightening into fists as he shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. “Sorry, I’m being a little weird.”

“I think the situation calls for it.” Raven leaned closer, smelling the musky scent of his soap. It was heady, and somehow comforting. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was working up the courage months ago, and… and then you lost your powers.” His shoulders fell and he glanced back into her face, looking sheepish again. “I didn’t want that burden on you when you were already punishing yourself so much, Rae. I wanted you to get to a point where you could heal, and I wanted to help you with that journey. Bleating out that I have deep feelings for you while you’re struggling with your own problems wasn’t exactly the _best_ idea.” He paused and offered her a small smile. “I just wanted you to feel better, and feel safe… especially around me. I didn’t want you to think that what happened affected our relationship in any way.”

“I…” Raven found herself at a loss for words, and she just stared into his electric-blue stare, watching emotions flutter across his face. Her heart turned over, and she took another step closer, lifting a hand to his chest. She could feel his heart thunder under her touch, slamming against his ribs as she moved closer.

Dick looked down at her, his pupils blown wide, waiting.

They were _both_ waiting, uncertain in this tender moment.

Raven took a shaky breath and lifted herself up on her toes, wondering when Dick had gotten so damn tall. “I… I think you should kiss me.”

His eyes widened for a moment, but he seemed to catch himself, and his lips tugged to the side in a half-smile. “Is that so?”

She nodded, her mouth suddenly dry. “I mean… we’ve clearly been waiting for it, and it seems stupid to keep waiting any longer. We like each other right?”

Dick laughed and leaned down, letting his forehead rest against her own. His nose bumped against hers, and his breath feathered against her lips. Raven had never felt such intense anticipation before, like her heart was going to burst free if he didn’t kiss her _now_. Every nerve-ending inside her was lit up, waiting for him to do… _something_. _Anything_. Her fingers tightened in his cotton shirt and she leaned up, feeling his lips brush against her own.

“Can I tell you something?”

Raven really didn’t want to drag this out any longer, but she knew that she wouldn’t be able to stop him from saying what he wanted to. If Dick wanted to say something, he would _definitely_ say it. She made a soft noise in the back of her throat, urging him to get it over with.

“Those dance classes are making your ass look _amazing_.”

Her face fell, and Raven moved to pull back, but Dick caught her lips in a soft kiss and suddenly nothing else really mattered.  

  
  
  


 


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